What’s Love Got to Do With It?

the good times?

It all started with Chris Brown and Rihanna.

I used to like Chris Brown’s music. Hell, I even helped choreograph a dance to the “Kiss Kiss” song. He seemed like a innocent, baby-faced teenager in all his videos and interviews. With her unique style and uber-popular club records, Rihanna seemed poised for pop stardom.

Well, that was until all of America got word that prior to the Grammys, the squeaky-clean Mr. Brown beat the living shit out of his (hopefully by now- ex) girlfriend Rihanna, who called the cops for help. Apparently, she had “grotesque” cuts and bruises all over her face and neck, and has disappeared into seclusion. Meanwhile, Chris B. posted bail and is looking at the possibility of jail time.

Superstar coupledom…ends in some good-old fashioned beating.

Rihanna’s gained a country-wide following of sympathizers, for good reason. In a perverse way, domestic violence couldn’t have asked for a better posterchild: a beautiful, young celebrity with everything she could ask for, no shortage of confidence and success- made to suffer at the hands of an equally famous and well-liked boyfriend. Message to the masses: anyone–ANYONE–can be victim of domestic violence.

These headlines are sensational to be sure. By treating this as a celebrity-centered story, we lose sight of one important truth: 1 in 3 women in the United States will be the victim of violence inflicted by a partner or family member. These women are your friends, your teachers, your aunts, sisters, and cousins. They are white, black, Asian and everything in between–rich, middle class and poor. And trust me, at one point in all of your lives, it will hit close to home.

I remember the story of Rebecca Griego , pictured here, in particular. Rebecca worked at Gould Hall, University of Washington’s School of Architecture, down the street from where I went to school. I walked in front of that building every day on the way to class. I had lecture a floor below where she worked.

On the morning of April 2 2o07, Griego’s ex-boyfriend Jonathan Rowan entered Gould Hall. He rode up to the fourth floor where she worked. There, around 9 AM, Rowan shot Rebecca in the head once. Then he shot himself. Both died before police came on the scene. I remember seeing that yellow crime scene tape draping the stairwell that I used to walk through every morning.

In the wake of tragedies like this, people often rally and organize. I wonder though, what are we doing for those who are living day in and day out with the threat of personal harm from a partner or family member? I wonder what drives men to beat and batter the women who are closest to them? And WHY is this the rule rather than the exception?

It is a known fact that boys who grow up in families plauged by domestic violence grow up to be batterers. It’s also known that in certain cultures, men consider it their right to exercise violent forms of punishment against their female family members. But it is easy to find exceptions to all of these as well, as noted above.

Rather, I think the answer lies in the use of violence and its portrayal in society, and how that is connected to ideas of masculinity. I think all too often, we try to dismiss partner violence as some kind of psychological problem. It isn’t. It is a societal issue, and one that transcends racial and economic boundaries. We focus on women as survivors/victims, which is all well and good, but I think it’s high time we looked real closely at the idealization of masculinity in our society. What does it mean to be a man? Better yet, what does it mean to be a man in a relationship, and what how does that connect to ideas of power, violence, and control?

In a nutshell, men need to start taking some responsiblity for the problem of domestic violence as much as women. Women should not be the only ones organizing to combat this problem. In order to educate the next generation (if Chris B. and Rihanna are any indication, very few young’ns have gotten the message that that shit is WRONG), a united front of men and women is needed.  Only then can we begin to address their issue in a truly constructive way.

some stats:

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, between 1998 and 2002:

• Of the almost 3.5 million violent crimes committed against family members, 49% of these were crimes against spouses.
• 84% of spouse abuse victims were females, and 86% of victims of dating partner abuse at were female.
• Males were 83% of spouse murderers and 75% of dating partner murderer.

Murder in the Gaza Strip

Today two hundred and seventy one people were killed by Israeli airstrikes in Gaza, Palestine.

This was the deadliest single day death toll in the history of the Palestinian territories after 1967. Men, women and children were killed. More than a third of the dead were civilians.

Israel claims this is in response to rocket attacks from Hamas. The death toll from these alleged attacks?

One.

And those are how the facts stand. Palestinian dead: 271. Israeli dead: 1. There’s something WRONG with this damn picture, folks.

A country with a nuclear arsenal that could rival the United States launched a sustained attack on alleged Hamas targets, all of which were surrounded by civilians. Hospitals nearby had their windows blown out, already overflowing with the sick and dying. All of this inflicted on a city that where the majority of people are malnourished and living in what amounts to a humanitarian crisis.

The idea that Israel’s actions can be construed as some sort of “defense” is ludicrous. The sheer magnitude and deadliness of the bombings on Gaza in comparison to the rocket fire allegedly from Hamas (which hasn’t been proven and to this date, has killed ONE person in Israel) is so ridiculously lopsided it boggles the mind. An analogy comes to mind: a fly buzzes near your ear. In retaliation, you run the fly over with your car. The fly is Palestine. You are Israel. Even Ban Ki-Moon, Secretary-General of the United Nations had this to say: “[Mr. Ban Ki-Moon] urged an immediate halt to the violence, condemning what he called Israel’s “excessive use of force leading to the killing and injuring of civilians.”

No, the only way to describe Israel’s attack on Gaza City today is the following: crime against humanity. And the rest of the world, with the exception of the United States, seems to agree. This is what that bitched-out to AIPAC a-hole from the Bush Administration (Some would call her Condeleeza Rice) had to say:

“”We strongly condemn the repeated rocket and mortar attacks against Israel and hold Hamas responsible for breaking the ceasefire and for the renewal of violence there. The ceasefire must be restored immediately and fully respected.”

Really, Condi? Really? So what about the fact that for the past couple of months, Israel has repeatedly violated the terms of its agreement? Like refusing to allow steady supplies of FOOD and WATER into Gaza? And if there is nothing to hide, than why were almost all journalists stopped from entering the city? Acts of aggression by Israeli tanks along Gaza city’s borders don’t violate that agreement either eh?

And here’s the REALLY BIG QUESTION: If Israel can defend itself…so can’t Palestine? Do Palestinians not have the right to live? Do they not have the right to fight back against the unchecked destruction of their homes and daily siege by the Israeli military? WHY the hell can’t Gaza defend itself in the exact same way Israel is and bomb the living shit out of a city in Israel?

No, because apparently if you’re an Israeli soldier and you kill someone, you’re merely “defending” your nation. A Palestinian who does the EXACT SAME is a terrorist. Simple racist math folks.

and again, as it stands:

Palestine=271 dead. Israel=1.