I used to like Chris Brown’s music. Hell, I even helped choreograph a dance to the “Kiss Kiss” song. He seemed like a innocent, baby-faced teenager in all his videos and interviews. With her unique style and uber-popular club records, Rihanna seemed poised for pop stardom.
Well, that was until all of America got word that prior to the Grammys, the squeaky-clean Mr. Brown beat the living shit out of his (hopefully by now- ex) girlfriend Rihanna, who called the cops for help. Apparently, she had “grotesque” cuts and bruises all over her face and neck, and has disappeared into seclusion. Meanwhile, Chris B. posted bail and is looking at the possibility of jail time.
Superstar coupledom…ends in some good-old fashioned beating.
Rihanna’s gained a country-wide following of sympathizers, for good reason. In a perverse way, domestic violence couldn’t have asked for a better posterchild: a beautiful, young celebrity with everything she could ask for, no shortage of confidence and success- made to suffer at the hands of an equally famous and well-liked boyfriend. Message to the masses: anyone–ANYONE–can be victim of domestic violence.
I remember the story of Rebecca Griego , pictured here, in particular. Rebecca worked at Gould Hall, University of Washington’s School of Architecture, down the street from where I went to school. I walked in front of that building every day on the way to class. I had lecture a floor below where she worked.
On the morning of April 2 2o07, Griego’s ex-boyfriend Jonathan Rowan entered Gould Hall. He rode up to the fourth floor where she worked. There, around 9 AM, Rowan shot Rebecca in the head once. Then he shot himself. Both died before police came on the scene. I remember seeing that yellow crime scene tape draping the stairwell that I used to walk through every morning.
In the wake of tragedies like this, people often rally and organize. I wonder though, what are we doing for those who are living day in and day out with the threat of personal harm from a partner or family member? I wonder what drives men to beat and batter the women who are closest to them? And WHY is this the rule rather than the exception?
It is a known fact that boys who grow up in families plauged by domestic violence grow up to be batterers. It’s also known that in certain cultures, men consider it their right to exercise violent forms of punishment against their female family members. But it is easy to find exceptions to all of these as well, as noted above.
Rather, I think the answer lies in the use of violence and its portrayal in society, and how that is connected to ideas of masculinity. I think all too often, we try to dismiss partner violence as some kind of psychological problem. It isn’t. It is a societal issue, and one that transcends racial and economic boundaries. We focus on women as survivors/victims, which is all well and good, but I think it’s high time we looked real closely at the idealization of masculinity in our society. What does it mean to be a man? Better yet, what does it mean to be a man in a relationship, and what how does that connect to ideas of power, violence, and control?
In a nutshell, men need to start taking some responsiblity for the problem of domestic violence as much as women. Women should not be the only ones organizing to combat this problem. In order to educate the next generation (if Chris B. and Rihanna are any indication, very few young’ns have gotten the message that that shit is WRONG), a united front of men and women is needed. Only then can we begin to address their issue in a truly constructive way.
What’s Love Got to Do With It?
the good times?
It all started with Chris Brown and Rihanna.
I used to like Chris Brown’s music. Hell, I even helped choreograph a dance to the “Kiss Kiss” song. He seemed like a innocent, baby-faced teenager in all his videos and interviews. With her unique style and uber-popular club records, Rihanna seemed poised for pop stardom.
Well, that was until all of America got word that prior to the Grammys, the squeaky-clean Mr. Brown beat the living shit out of his (hopefully by now- ex) girlfriend Rihanna, who called the cops for help. Apparently, she had “grotesque” cuts and bruises all over her face and neck, and has disappeared into seclusion. Meanwhile, Chris B. posted bail and is looking at the possibility of jail time.
Superstar coupledom…ends in some good-old fashioned beating.
Rihanna’s gained a country-wide following of sympathizers, for good reason. In a perverse way, domestic violence couldn’t have asked for a better posterchild: a beautiful, young celebrity with everything she could ask for, no shortage of confidence and success- made to suffer at the hands of an equally famous and well-liked boyfriend. Message to the masses: anyone–ANYONE–can be victim of domestic violence.
These headlines are sensational to be sure. By treating this as a celebrity-centered story, we lose sight of one important truth: 1 in 3 women in the United States will be the victim of violence inflicted by a partner or family member. These women are your friends, your teachers, your aunts, sisters, and cousins. They are white, black, Asian and everything in between–rich, middle class and poor. And trust me, at one point in all of your lives, it will hit close to home.
On the morning of April 2 2o07, Griego’s ex-boyfriend Jonathan Rowan entered Gould Hall. He rode up to the fourth floor where she worked. There, around 9 AM, Rowan shot Rebecca in the head once. Then he shot himself. Both died before police came on the scene. I remember seeing that yellow crime scene tape draping the stairwell that I used to walk through every morning.
In the wake of tragedies like this, people often rally and organize. I wonder though, what are we doing for those who are living day in and day out with the threat of personal harm from a partner or family member? I wonder what drives men to beat and batter the women who are closest to them? And WHY is this the rule rather than the exception?
It is a known fact that boys who grow up in families plauged by domestic violence grow up to be batterers. It’s also known that in certain cultures, men consider it their right to exercise violent forms of punishment against their female family members. But it is easy to find exceptions to all of these as well, as noted above.
Rather, I think the answer lies in the use of violence and its portrayal in society, and how that is connected to ideas of masculinity. I think all too often, we try to dismiss partner violence as some kind of psychological problem. It isn’t. It is a societal issue, and one that transcends racial and economic boundaries. We focus on women as survivors/victims, which is all well and good, but I think it’s high time we looked real closely at the idealization of masculinity in our society. What does it mean to be a man? Better yet, what does it mean to be a man in a relationship, and what how does that connect to ideas of power, violence, and control?
In a nutshell, men need to start taking some responsiblity for the problem of domestic violence as much as women. Women should not be the only ones organizing to combat this problem. In order to educate the next generation (if Chris B. and Rihanna are any indication, very few young’ns have gotten the message that that shit is WRONG), a united front of men and women is needed. Only then can we begin to address their issue in a truly constructive way.
some stats:
According to the U.S. Department of Justice, between 1998 and 2002:
This entry was posted on February 22, 2009 at 8:25 am and is filed under social commentary with tags feminism, human rights, relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.